Members Talk On Any Sport...

[TJ]

Original Thread started on: Nov 6th, 2003, 2:43pm By: TJ

Here,
You Can Talk About
Anything You Want On

SPORTS!

Easier Thread To Keep
Convo's & Opinons
In Place ...

[TJ]

« Reply #1 on: Nov 6th, 2003, 3:01pm By: TJ »


E-Mail Sent 2 Me By A Buddy GAZ:
Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 19:18:32

ahh the memories...

PRIMARY SCHOOL FOOTBALL
- THE RULES OF THE GAME -

Matches shall be played over three unequal periods: two playtimes & lunchtime.
Each of these periods shall begin shortly after the ringing of
a bell, & although a bell is also rung towards the end of these
periods, play may continue for up to ten minutes afterwards, depending on the nihilism or "bottle" of the participants with regard to corporal punishment meted out to late comers back to the classroom.

In practice there is a sliding scale of nihilism, from those who hasten to stand in line as soon as the bell rings, known as "poofs", through those who will hang on until the time they estimate it takes the teachers to down the last of their G & T's & journey from the staff room, known as "chancers",
& finally to those who will hang on until a teacher actually has to physically retrieve them, known as "nutters".
This sliding scale is intended to radically alter the logistics of a match in progress, often having dramatic effects on the scoreline as the number of remaining participants drops.
It is important, therefore, in picking the sides, to achieve a fair
balance of poofs, chancers & nutters in order that the scoreline achieved over a sustained period of play-lunchtime,
for instance - is not totally nullified by a five-minute post-bell onslaught of five nutters against one.

The scoreline to be carried over from the previous period of the match is in the trust of the last nutters to leave the field of play, & may be the matter of some debate.
This must be resolved in one of the approved manners
(see Adjudication).

Parameters:

The object is to force the ball between two large, unkempt piles of jackets, in lieu of goalposts. These piles may grow or shrink throughout the match, depending on the number of participants & the prevailing weather. As the number of players increases, so shall the piles. Each jacket added to the pile by a new addition to a side should be placed on the inside, nearest
the goalkeeper, thus reducing the target area. It is also important that the sleeve of one of the jackets should jut out across the goalmouth, as it will often be claimed that the ball went "over the post" & it can henceforth be asserted that the outstretched sleeve denotes the innermost part of the pile
& thus the inside of the post. The on-going reduction of the size of the goal is the responsibility of any respectable defence and should be undertaken conscientiously with resourcefulness & imagination.

In the absence of a crossbar, the upper limit of the target area is observed as being slightly above head height, although when the height at which a ball passed between the jackets is in dispute, judgement shall lie with an arbitrary adjudicator from one of the sides. He is known as the "best fighter"; his decision is final and may be enforced with physical violence
if anyone wants to stretch a point.

In games on large open spaces, the length of the pitch is obviously denoted by the jacket piles, but the width is a variable. In the absence of roads, water hazards, etc, the width is determined by how far out the attacking winger has to meander before the pursuing defender gets fed up & lets him head back towards where the rest of the players are waiting, often as far as quarter of a mile away. It is often observed that the playing area is "not a full-size pitch". This can be invoked verbally to justify placing a wall of players eighteen inches from the ball at direct free kicks. It is the formal response to "yards", which the kick-taker will incant meaninglessly as he places the ball.

Tactics:

Playground football tactics are best explained in terms of team
formation.Where as senior sides tend to choose - according to circumstance - from among a number of standard options
(eg 4-4-2, 4-3-3, 5-3-2), the playground side is usually more rigid in sticking to the all-purpose 1-1-17 formation.
This formation is a sturdy basis for the unique style of play,
ball-flow & territorial give-&-take that makes the playground game such a renowned & strategically engrossing spectacle. Just as the 5-3-2 formation is sometimes referred to in practice as "Cattenaccio", the 1-1-17 formation gives rise to a style of play that is best described as "Nomadic".
All but perhaps four of the participants (see also Offside) migrate en masse from one area of the pitch to another, following the ball, & it is tactically vital that every last one of them remains within a ten-yard radius of it at all times.

Stoppages:

Much stoppage time in the senior game is down to injured players requiring treatment on the field of play. The playground game flows freer having adopted the refereeing philosophy of "no Post-Mortem, no free-kick", & play will continue around & even on top of a participant who has fallen in the course of his endeavours. However, the playground game is nonetheless
subject to other interruptions, & some examples are listed below.

1. Ball on school roof or over school wall. The retrieval time itself is negligible in these cases. The stoppage is most prolonged by the argument to decide which player must risk life, limb or four of the belt to scale the drainpipe or negotiate the barbed wire in order to return the ball to play.

Disputes usually arise between the player who actually struck the ball & any others he claims it may have struck before disappearing into forbidden territory. In the case of the Best Fighter having been adjudged responsible for such an incident, a volunteer is often required to go in his stead or the game may be abandoned, as the Best Fighter is entitled to observe that.

A: "you can't make me"; or B: "It's not my ball anyway".

2. Bigger boys steal ball. A highly irritating interruption, the length of which is determined by the players' experience in dealing with this sort of thing. The intruders will seldom actually steal the ball, but will improvise their own kickabout amongst themselves, occasionally inviting the younger players to attempt to tackle them. Standing around looking bored and
unimpressed usually results in a quick restart. Shows of frustration & engaging in attempts to win back the ball can prolong the stoppage indefinitely. Informing the intruders that one of the players' older brother is "Mad Paul Murphy" or some other noted local pugilist can also ensure minimum delay.

3. Menopausal old bag confiscates ball. More of a threat in the street or local green kickabout than within the school walls. Sad, blue-rinsed, ill-tempered, Tory-voting cat-owner transfers her anger about the array of failures that has been her life to nine-year-olds who have committed the heinous crime of letting their ball cross her privet Line of Death.
Interruption (loss of ball) is predicted to last "until you learn how to play with it properly", but instruction on how to achieve this without actually having the bloody thing is not usually forwarded. Tact is required in these circumstances, even when the return of the ball seems highly unlikely, as further irritation of woman may result in the more serious stoppage: Menopausal old bag calls police.

Celebration:

Goal-scorers are entitled to a maximum run of thirty yards with their hands in the air, making crowd noises and saluting imaginary packed terraces. Congratulation by teammates is in the measure appropriate to the importance of the goal in view of the current scoreline
(for instance, making it 34-12 does not entitle the player to drop to his knees and make the sign of the cross), & the extent of the scorer's contribution. A fabulous solo dismantling of the defence or 25-yard (actually eight yards), but calculated as relative distance because "it's not a full-size pitch" rocket shot will elicit applause and back-pats from the entire team and the
more magnanimous of the opponents. However, a tap-in in the midst of a chaotic scramble will be heralded with the epithet "poaching bastard" from the opposing defence amidst mild acknowledgment from teammates. Applying
an unnecessary final touch when a ball is already rolling into the goal will elicit a burst nose from the original striker.
Kneeling down to head the ball over the line when defence and keeper are already beaten will elicit a thoroughly deserved kicking. As a footnote, however, it should be stressed that any goal scored by the Best Fighter will be met with universal acclaim, even if it falls into any of the latter three categories.

Penalties:

At senior level, each side often has one appointed penalty-taker, who will defer to a teammate in special circumstances, such as his requiring one more for a hat trick. The playground side has two appointed penalty-takers: theBest Player & the Best Fighter. The arrangement is simple: the Best Player takes the penalties when his side is a retrievable margin behind, & the Best Fighter at all other times. If the side is comfortably in front, the ball-owner may be invited to take a penalty. Goalkeepers are often the subject of temporary substitutions at penalties, forced to give up their position to the Best Player or Best Fighter, who recognise the kudos attached to the heroic act of saving one of these kicks, & are buggered
if" little Billy" is going to steal any of it.

Close Season:

This is known also as the Summer Holidays, which the players usually spend dabbling briefly in other sports: tennis for a fortnight while Wimbledon is on the telly; pitch-&-putt for four days during the Open; & Cricket for about an hour & a half until they discover that it really is as boring to play as it is to watch.

[DEX - \m/]

:-/On sunday 1st feb 2004 I tortured my self into watching the Super Bowl and have came to the conclusion the states will watch anything my god I have never seen such a total waste of time in my bloody life.......
they spend more time having commercials then the bloody game the half time period is like 35 minutes when pop starts and pop tarts get to flash their ego's and boobs on tv for the watching americans to lap it up and make them icons.......
My god I would rather have my pubes pulled out with tweezers then sit threw that ....Total dross never again next year I will be washing my hair......thats the one on the left.....

[TJ]

Okay got a Q....Does anyone know what the hell this big issue with a walkout in hockey is all about?

Troll seems to know more about it but how is this gonna effect our teams over here?

[CorkMan]

I gots no idea

[TJ]

Found my own answers to OUR players greeeeed

[Mac]

Hurrah, Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin lost again

[TJ]

Had to put the Flower of Scotland video in here I really miss Scotland. The people we met were so proud of their country & it was nothing less than magnificient for me & hubby to see/smell/hear the Scottish Pride If I was in this video, damn straight, I'd be screaming out this song too Just like I did with Karen (tombraider) in the pub in Feb 2005 in Monifieth

This video is from this year Scotland VS France ...